Babaji is a pure Essence, my Inner True Self. He is what remains when I do not identify with my body, emotions and thoughts. He is protector, guide and inspirer. He is a challenge and the obstacle, darkness and light and beyond.
When I was meditating in the dhuni, and at my home, I sometimes identify myself with his physical body. I feel like I am him and in that moment I can feel how pure I am despite having a body. I see Babaji in some people that I know and in the hearts of some of my spiritual brothers and sisters. I see it even on a physical level, since Baba transformed his appearance so much, as if he almost could be anybody and anything. I was fascinated when 30 years ago I saw Babaji’s picture and heard stories about him including the fact that it is possible to materialize one’s own body. The combination of his outside beauty and what he represents felt like a perfect example of a human ability to connect the material with the spiritual.
In the beginning I meditated on Babaji’s picture for a year, but he seemed to be too far away from me with his perfection. It took me years to be able to come back to him purified enough to start feeling his presence. For many years I was sure that he left me and that maybe he was just an illusion I needed, as some kind of artificial mental support. When I was going through my darkness and hardships I felt left alone. It took me many years to realise that he was there all the time leading me through. I felt him as a strong awakening force that doesn’t care for my pleasure or pain, but leads me directly to myself. I realised what he meant when he said:
“I will teach you to be beyond pleasure and pain”.
Babaji is always teaching me about how to face darkness and light at the same time, being aware of both but not attaching to any. This path is a combination of discipline and play, following rules, but staying authentic, being serious in a fight with ego, but also being able to be joyful and humorous and take it all as a big play of universe.
He is a powerful Wish Master. Everything I truly seek he will bring: I have learned that I have to be careful what I wish for and many times it’s not exactly how I imagined it would be.
Through Aarti I feel like I make connection with Babaji as a great force that sets me free. Babaji for me is all the deities that are mentioned in the Aarti and when I manage to stay out of the way, they solve impossible situations in the simplest way. I see how the people around me can change behaviour by this. I feel like all the deities are my true parents that I’d longed for in my life. Babaji is my father and mother: strong, pure and innocent at the same time. Sometimes I speak with him and tell him what is in my heart; then I’m relieved of my burden and see things more clearly and simply. It’s like I am speaking to my inner true self. When I was in Haidakhan I felt so welcomed by him: his presence there in the kitchen during lunch, it was like he was feeding me with love. When I leant my cheek on the tree by his Kutir I felt like he really understood my soul, and he is that tree. I saw him as two little monkeys playing and laughing on this tree. Babaji is also for me a great mystery which I have yet to experience and fully understand: the fact that all things we see and live, whether good or bad are just an illusion. I look forward to having this experience one day and I feel that Babaji will show me the way.