In 1983 before I met Babaji I just had come through a series of unpleasant and confidence shattering events both on a personal and professional level. So somewhat bankrupt, I met Babaji. Right from the very start this felt like I had been running my life on a 25 watt light bulb, but now had entered a 1000 watt light bulb field. Consequently my six weeks with him turned into a 24/7 light shower experience, which kept mirroring and cleansing me of my negative mental debris, my nagging self doubt and infused me with constant transformative surprise teachings. It turned into the most enlivening and radical healing event of my life, incomparable to anything I had experienced before (or after). After his Samadhi I kept topping up the experience mainly by attending navaratri festivals in India and more recently through the European Guru Purnima festivals, apart from the various solo practices at home.
What helps the most is simply remembering. When I remember just his name, it works like a cue word that logs me straight into him and the mysterious reality of the present moment. Babaji is so sound. There are many times when this doesn’t work, mainly because I have not tried to remember or because I have lost faith. Faith is key. At this very moment I am glad to say that my faith and therefore experience of the intangible nature of Babaji comes more freely, it’s less of a struggle. It is like grace. Ask me what was going on last week, I might tell a different story. But even the difficult times I see as his grace now, a new lesson he wants to teach me even though it may involve a lot of soul searching hard work and discipline.
So meeting Haidakhan Babaji was the most mindblowing experience of a lifetime. Back then, and for many years after his mahasamadhi, he was a perfect blank canvas for my idealistic projections. Nowadays the photos and the rituals have lessened in importance. What is left is a Feeling. A Feeling which often comes through silence and stillness, in the absence of photos, words and concepts. A Feeling I get through friendship, work and nature, and it comes with an increasing sense of gratitude.