Usha from UK

Usha

As a little girl I whole-heartedly followed Babaji. He was my go-to guy when facing any troubles or joys, when praying and sharing my inner thoughts. Yet, over time, things changed for me…

 

 

I grew up to gradually question and wonder… is this language my natural way of channelling Love? Is this my natural way of connecting to the Divine? I went through a phase of alienation from it all. I also became increasingly disillusioned by our community and practice which I often felt was polluted by ego wars, gossip and sexism… It made me break from it emotionally.    This was a necessary break for me to find my own way. Just as my parents had found Babaji on their own, I had to find Babaji on my own. I grew up and left home, went to stay with other communities, studied other mystical religious traditions and started to tread my own path and practice. The language of Babaji faded away over the years and transformed into something much simpler for me. It no longer carries Babaji’s name, or his face. For me it is ineffable.

 

After some ‘time off’ I returned to one of our Guru Purnima celebrations. Here, to my great joy, I found my own practice through Babaji again. It was good to have it confirmed that the Babaji celebrations remained a familiar channel through which I could feel Love. It wasn’t necessarily through the imagery, or the devotees, or through the complexity of the rituals and the practices. (I often found myself get unnecessarily tangled up and lost in these elements). Rather, I felt my heart open and sing with Love through the music. I distinctly remember the moment; we were singing bhajans after aarati outside at the temple in Cisternino. We were at a climatic point singing at full volume, each and every one of us in a state of ecstasy. The sky suddenly transformed and the evening sun tinted all of us and everything around us in a warm peach colour. In this sultry, peachy, mid-summer evening, with our voices ringing out to the rhythms of the dolak, it started to rain from the sky and I felt the earth and nature around us connecting and joining our vibrations. I remember tears streaming down my face as we were all bathed in Her Divine Light.

This entry was posted in HI JOURNAL 15 - Spring 2017, THE NEXT GENERATION SPEAKS. Bookmark the permalink.

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