Raghuvir asked me to write about my experience with Babaji. I did not meet Babaji but I did meet Muniraji. As a child, I was very lucky to visit India every spring navaratri. I loved being around Muniraji. He was like a sweet grandfather to me. The last time I saw him, I think about eight years ago, all he really said to me was: “Om Shanti Shanti Shanti”. At that moment I did not feel Shanti at all, totally not at peace with myself: moody, unhappy and unsatisfied. And now I know strange things can bring us peace, but more about that later.
As a child I loved being in the ashram in Holland. When I got a bit older I felt more aligned with, for example, Eckhart Tolle and his book ‘The Power of Now’. Joy and freedom we can find in the now, in ourselves. More and more now, I can find peace anywhere and finding this is an inside job.
Now I don’t need a temple to find my inner peace but I still love the ashram. Last summer my little son Elfin and I attended Guru Purnima in Sada Shiva Dham. There were some psychological troubles going on with the father of Elfin. Vandevi gave me the advice to go into Babaji’s kutir and hand this troubled situation over to him. I thought I’ve got nothing to lose, so that is what I did. A week later the accident happened. I don’t know if it has to do with Babaji or not and I don’t have to know. More and more I have come to understand that there is little that I really know – and that gives me a great sense of freedom.
When I saw my little Elf’s body after he passed away, all I could sense was peace. I could feel he was at peace, and this brought me peace. After this terrible accident, a good friend of mine reminded me to go inside. ‘’Now is really the time for all of us to go inside instead of running or searching outside of ourselves.’’ And so I did, and still do, every single day. I feel whatever comes up and embrace it. By feeling every single thing that occurs, energy flows. Mostly I feel joy. And also the most beautiful people around me help to keep my spirits up. A big example: Kharku and Karina invited me to come and stay as long as I needed to in Kamalaya. There I could totally relax and be with myself even more than I could already in Holland. Two beautiful lovely months of my life. I am so very grateful for this fantastically complete and relaxing experience.
About my little Elfin. He was born on the 11th of August and passed away when he was 11 months and 11 days when his weight was 11 kilos. I have never been so interested in numbers but after this happened I do see synchronicities coming in numbers, telepathy or whatever, on a daily basis. It gives me the feeling that my little elf found peace over and over again. He is free and if he can see me, I’m sure he will love to see me happy. I live my life now for 3 people: for Grandmother Pauline, for Elfin and for myself. And every day I choose to do this with joy and (self)love. (S)Elf-in everyday! Namaste and Bhole Baba Ki Jay! Shanti.